Love makes the world go Round

You know, I love my friends. I love my family. I love My God. I’m even learning to love myself. I love the people who stick by me, the people who care about me, the people who are honest to me, the people who defend me, the people who call me on my crap, the people that truly value our friendshsip….

…. and I even love my pessimistic friends, some times they drag me down, but I know they need love and i know with a little encouragement they can be lifted up again so this goes out to all my friends who are having a hard time:

 

May God bless you, and may he help open your eyes to let you know that you are always loved. Whatever He brings you to, He will lead you through. James 1:2

 

Born to be WILD

Ok so remember how I told you that I was taking a lot of me time? How God was talking to me? Yah well it’s been happening a lot. Things are really changing for me. I have been able to let a lot of things go that have been holding me back. I know it sounds weird if I tell you that giving things up helps you feel better. I have recently learned that when it comes to relationships, you have to be able to lose it to see how much it is worth. I have been through a lot and I can admit that I have put people around me through a lot. I have to say I am sorry to them, speak my peace, and move on. And the good thing is that I can tell you I successfully have done that with most people that I needed to do that for.

Well it’s a bit weird for me lately. Like I hate walking around school not knowing what to do, not talking to the people I usually talk to. I want to be able to be myself and not care what people think about me. Mom told me to read Accept No Mediocre Life because she thinks it will be good for me. It is so far, it is actually really good.

I know it sounds cheesy but things don’t get better until you allow them to, and allowing them to takes time, it is a process but it works. I’m trying to let people around me know that I’m here for them, and I’m trying to be a better friend because I know you can’t have what you don’t strive to be.

One day we all will have an epiphany and we will feel better … and we will know what to do with our lives and we will be happy. It is truly amazing how we end up with the right people in our life at some point in our life but it will happen… but for now all we can do is fake it til we make it because someone very smart once told me “No one can take your happiness away. Only you are in control of your emotions” and I’m trying to live like that. I try and listen to God, and that means listening to other people around me who tend to make sense, and are optimistic and are here to help us cope in life. I’m a christian, I may not always be strong in my faith as I would like to be, but I do believe and I believe in being happy and trying to be happy, and I tell people that. I love to bring people smiles and I tell people God loves them, and I love them and I tell people to smile EVERY day and everytime I see someone down on their luck. It’s great the feeling you get when you know that you might have just made someone’s day better.

When it comes to who you like, and what seems important to you – you have to think of the people you cherish the most and admire the most because there are so many things that come before than pleasing your friends. If they don’t like whom you date, or they don’t like what you do or who you hang out with on the side, well then those friends aren’t worth your time. Being selfish is a part of life. We have to learn how to get past it, and its hard, I still haven’t but if you have a problem with yourself, you have to fix it yourself, nobody is going to fix it for you.

There’s a part in my book that talks about being born to be mild? no born to be WILD!! and that is so how I’m going to start living. Seriously. I will blog more about that later. My eyes hurt so I’m going to get off the computer now.

Now with all of this and my day being how it was, belive me when I say: HONESTLY say that ‘In the end, my day and my life is still ok.’

Anyways … thanks for listening to me. ^_^

Yay! I look the part

I know once again I need to post – I’m sorry I don’t have more and I’m sorry it’s still not enough!

I had my sweet sixteen … I got everything I ever wanted! It was amazing – That’s me and one of my best friends! I call her Luchica I would be the goober in the spongebob shirt and well that would be my new brunette hair color! I finally feel and look 16, and everything in my world just seems to be falling into place again. I’m so happy. I love you all!!!

xoxo

Life was on the line

It’s been ahile, I know this…
But I was on the phone for a LONG time. I was talking to God …. I started listening actually.

I have decided to take the right path in life. I have been talking to God, creating myself and so I have been busy with this and havent been able to blog. As soon as things settle down I will explain the change and explain the life I want, the life I need and how it is now the life I have chosen. Bear with me here as it will be awhile before the next post but I want you all to know how much I love you. You mean the world to me, and I am so grateful for every person and every blessing God has given me in the past 16 (yes a WHOLE 16!!!!!) years of my wonerful life!

[PS - my birthday is in ONLY 5 days!!! March 27th here I come!!]

Hear me, Read me, Know me

To those in my life that I have ever hurt ….
Forgive me

Hi …. how was your weekend?
I miss you – you know
I know that I screwed up, I have to live with myself knowing how bad I managed to make things
….. Would you still save me like you said you would?
You said you know me and that I’m good underneath it all
Am I still a good person to you?
Can I ever get what I gave up back?
You are a part of my life and I want you to see that
I need you and I want you in my life… forever.

In these simple words 

All I want to say

What I’m trying to say

Please just believe me when I say

….. I love you

 

 

This was my day?

So I went into today hoping things would turn out ok.

I stayed up til like 12:30 am last night crying and praying with mom. I really am ready for change. I wanted to be honest with so many people today and I thought I had done a pretty dang good job. But then I get home to realize my intentions were good but the consequences were still pretty crappy. Well it’s not that its crappy but it is just that things didn’t work out the way I wanted them to. I went in today thinking about my future and making things better with my parents and possibly saving myself from being a fool. I didn’t. Yah I made things worse on myself. But its ok now because I still have time to fix it. Why do I have to feel so incompetent? I’m not and I know I’m not, so then why do I act like it? Why do I continually keep making bad decisions? Am I that bad of a person that I am always thinking about myself and no one else when I make a decision? Do I honestly not care so much about other people as I claim to? Why have I put on so many faces? Tried to look perfect? I want so many people to love me, and accept me, but who is me? I mean sometimes I spend so much time getting to know people, just to love them and push them away. I have ruined so many good things, and now that I look back, I wish I could change the way I handeled life. But I don’t want to regret anything. The more I regret the more I look at my life as a mistake and it’s not, …. It’s just the things I have done that have hurt people and myself.

I honestly don’t know what drives me to lie. I don’t want to, it’s like sub-consciously I say no because I know better but I’m so used to it that I just do it. I don’t want to be someone I’m not. I don’t want to tell people that everything is fine if it’s not, but I don’t want to tell them my problem. I want people to know that I’m not perfect but I still want to be perfect for them. I mean come on, who doesn’t want to be perfect in other peoples’ eyes?

So it’s not like I had a bad day. It’s not like I am going say “once again I get yelled at for what I have done” because that’s not the case. I know that until I really understand all this information the parental figures talk about everyday and until make the right choices that I will always get my parents honesty [and well after that too]. I know that my day wasn’t great, but I could have changed it. I mean I had control and I still let things go the way they did, and in my own way they were just fine. But I still should have thought things through even more. It’s sad because I did, it just wasn’t enough. I mean my parents have told me everything I need to know. They have given me all the tools I need. I just happen to make the mistake of not listening and not using them. So now I change. Now I decide to listen. I decide to take control over what I still can do. I will be a better person.

Now with all of this and my day being how it was, do you belive me when I say:
honestly say that ‘In the end my day is still ok.’

So it’s like this: I am a teenage girl. I am human. I make mistakes and decisions, I correct them, and I learn. I push through my struggles and I learn and I grow and I use this time as a young woman to screw my head on straight. What do you think?

Oh jeez

Today we are doing debate now. I am having so much fun. My partner and I think we have won all 3 rounds, and we are pretty sure we did because we made it to Quarter finals!! It is soo exciting!! I am jacked! I got a trophy! gah!

Anyways …
A couple other teams broke and got to quarter finals!! , and we even had a team make it to semis! I am soo proud of my partner and I and my WHOLE team! The other half of the squad should be coming home soon from the Stanford California trip! So there will be a ton of stories to tell – and to think! NFL is this week!! OMG It’s going to be soo busy and hectic but a TON OF FUN!!

p.s. this is me with my trophy!!

this blog below was written on 02/08/08
So I’m at a tournament right now !!! We do speech events today then we do debate rounds tomorrow. Next weekend we have NFL and it takes like 3 days for that one. This ends tomorrow … but it will be fun. Especially with concessions being sold! Yah I’m drinking kiwi vitamin water.

I just got done doing my 2nd extemp round. I hate the topics we have … they are soo …. political LOL that’s the only way to go. The last topic I got was about how does the prescence of Lybia and Vietnam in the UN Security Council impact the efforts to promote world peace. Yah …. umm I pulled stuff out of thin air for that. We had like no evidence for any of that information. But it was ok. I mean I got a 4 minute count so I wasn’t as short as I usually am.

*Ph*amous one day

This is mama with her water … I call it her natural habitat LOL

Mom and dad being total nut cases, which means they were acting normal … strangely since there is no normal for this family

Ah, see, even the crazy can seem normal.

[Ha like me, I attract crazy friends because I SEEM to be normal or have a head on my shoulder. Which, actually, most of the time I do!!]

UPDATE: 6 Random Things

OH! Ok, this is an update to the 6 random things about me:

9. I HAVE to read the back of a book before I read it, and … sadly … I read the last page before I read the book itself. DON’T tell me I ruin it, because I don’t look at it that way. It helps me decide if it’s worth reading to me or not. I’m not too picky about books but I like to know the endings because I’m not patient and I get anxious. Besides, I forget by the next time I pick it up.

10. I love peanut butter and pickle sandwiches. The sweet juicy smooth crunchy yummy taste! OH how I crave one now. They are my friends, they are a pain in the butt to make because you have to actually get out the pickle jar and handpick all the nice round circular shaped ones to put on the pieces of bread. You have to be perfect with your food before you eat it.

11. I like cleaning, and organizing, until it comes to my own stuff. I like playing around with other stuff and seeing how it fits in tiny spaces, and organizing because its interesting to see all the possibilities. OH, and people love you when you organize for them. They appreciate and I like feeling needed. ^_^ I loathe having to deal with my own stuff. I see my messy room, I see my torn apart bathroom and I cringe. I *blink*blink* for it to go away, but…… it…. doesn’t …!!

anyways, that’s all I got for you folks now ….. OH!! pictures … I’m getting there

Photography

OMG so I got to experiment last night with the camera and the tripod, it was the funnest dang thing!! I got formal portraits of mom and dad separate and together. They are so cute. I also experimented with the self-portrait idea. It was fun. I enjoyed it…. So I want to show you!!

: ) I love photography. I felt so professional last night!!

Anyways … I ran out of things to say right now … oh!! I tried to fix the comment thing again, so feel free to leave a comment (TRY at least) …

Keep trying

I fixed my comment thing ….

so hopefully those of you who want to leave a comment there is a spot!!!!!!!!!

Non-Home

I can call this home ………. but then again I am sitting at home, I’m not living in a webpage on the internet. Ha, nevermind. We will call this home. So now that you made it here safely and Fluffy my three-headed dog hasn’t eaten you alive, you can visit my pages.
This page will be my main normal everyday page, Read about anything I have to say. I can tell you things might are going to change. I am going to show the deep intellectual stuff here. You can read about my rants and complaining about the world all over in The Bubble.

*LOVE*LIVE*LAUGH*LEARN*SMILE*

Notice anything?

Ok so as you can already tell things are changing and they will be for awhile now until I decide what I want …

Mama has me playing around in wordpress .. yes I like it so …. anyways ….

hmmm There was something I was going to actually say here … but I forgot. I will let you know.

6 Random things about a Random Girl

SNOW!! I went to bed with snow falling, I woke up with snow falling, and now … it’s still FALLING! Yah, no we don’t like this at all. This could possibly lead me to snow day tomorrow!! noooo!! Not cool … The parents went to take the brothers out to go potty and there’s gotta be like 5 inches of fresh snow out there! I don’t like this one bit!

Obviously I am not good at this because mama tagged me like … oh yesterday and I’m doing this today. But here we go …. Something I have never done before!!

Here are the Rules:

1.Link to the person that tagged you
2.Post the rules on your blog
3.Share six non-important things/habits/quirks about yourself
4.Tag six random people at the end of your post by linking to their blogs
5.Let each random person know they have been tagged by leaving a comment on their website.

I have more than six – enjoy!

1. I have to have music where ever I go – it’s even in my head that’s why I bust out in random dance moves and you can’t hear anything

2. Spontaneity is not me, I live with structure, I NEED to know if there is going to be a change in plans waaaay ahead in advance

3. I feel like I need to look my best (hair, makeup, touch up, clothes, shoes, “Am I matching?”) no matter where I am going, no matter how I am feeling just in case anything happens

4. I don’t like my food touching … because then it just tastes like something else and who wants that? It could be a bad combination!

5. I tend to put the toiletpaper on upside down without noticing [and then get yelled at by mom who HAS to have it the other way]

6. Even though school starts at 7:45 am I wake up at 5:30 am to make sure I’m awake and ready to leave by 6:40 if not earlier

7. I can’t wear just one shade of lipgloss, I have to put on others on to get the perfect colors.

8. I chose to put my bed on the floor instead of a bedframe because it’s “my style” and I like it better

I think … for kicks and giggles if she has time I am going to tag my buddy Susy Q

As the Snow continues …

OMG the snow!! SNOW SNOW SNOW!!! make it stop!!! There is supposed to be 6 to 7 inches of snow by the morning … and I just can’t take it!!!

On another note – I get to go to my NFL debate tournament with the partner I want! She is amazing, and I can’t wait to win with her! She got me the new extemp. questions that came out (there’s 50, and they are seperated into Domesic which is America stuff and International which is other countries) – gah that means research for them has to be done so that I can do my speeches and know what I am talkin about!

Hmmm – OH OH!! I got the Red Jumpuit Apparatus CD today with my target giftcard!!! Of course … I have Guardian Angel in my ipod headphones in my ears stuck on repeat! It’s amazingly beautiful! This song is so addicting. It just reminds me of all the wonderful people in my life that I am blessed with.

L is the way we laugh all day, I is the interesting people in my life, F is all the fun we make, E is every smile we give and take!

Thank You My Angel

Ok I can say I have officially fallen in love. I love Red Jumpsuit Apparatus. I want to get the CD this weekend. I am absolutely crazy over them. Just listen to Guardian Angel !! You will so see why – if you don’t already know how amazing this song is. I have a friend who is going to be in the talent show this year, and he is either singing this or something else and he asked me which one he should sing. What do you think I said? Yah – of course this one. I love it to death. I have the lyrics and everything. It reminds me of two friends that are very close to my heart – and right now I just am finding time to thank God for all the great friends I have in life.

Anyways …. thought I would share that tidbit with you.
here are the lyrics

When I see your smile
Tears run down my face I can’t replace
And now that I’m strong I have figured out
How this world turns cold and it breaks through my soul
And I know I’ll find deep inside me I can be the one

I will never let you fall
I’ll stand up with you forever
I’ll be there for you through it all
Even if saving you sends me to heaven

It’s okay. It’s okay. It’s okay.
Seasons are changing
And waves are crashing
And stars are falling all for us
Days grow longer and nights grow shorter
I can show you I’ll be the one

I will never let you fall (let you fall)
I’ll stand up with you forever
I’ll be there for you through it all (through it all)
Even if saving you sends me to heaven

Cuz you’re my, you’re my, my, my true love, my whole heart
Please don’t throw that away
Your Guardian Angel
Cuz I’m here for you
Please don’t walk away and
Please tell me you’ll stay, stay

Use me as you will
Pull my strings just for a thrill
And I know I’ll be okay
Though my skies are turning gray

I will never let you fall
I’ll stand up with you forever
I’ll be there for you through it all
Even if saving you sends me to heaven

Oh be thankful

So what do you do when your health teacher is so monotone and quiet you feel like you’d rather be talking to a brick wall because it’s more interesting? I have to admit … I was listening to my ipod most of the class because she bored me to tears. We took notes and did a worksheet. I could have done that asleep. She doesn’t talk loud enough. [I don't like pointing these things out but, she does look like she's stuck in the late 80's early 90's clothes issue. and the big glasses *shivers*] She … yah I don’t think she likes her job.

Anyways algebra 2, Debate, History, Biology, Digital Photo, English, and spanish are like a blast. I swear, I love learning, and I love being able to teach people. I just love the feeling of learning something new everyday, and being able to tell mom and dad. I love it when teachers notice me and aknowledge that I am a good student. [I tend to be either a teachers pet, or a favorite, and I tend to get my way with alot of teachers] It’s just so fun! I love school … call me a nerd, because I know you are thinking it.

On another note, did you know that we live in Utopia? things are so easy now! think about our technology!!

Back then people there was no internet, no ebay, no nice online catalogs, they had to go the library and look it up themselves, in the card catalog!!

There was no email, they had to actually write somebody a letter … with a pen! Then they had to walk all the way across the street and put it in the mailbox and it would take like a week to get there!

There were no MP3’s or Napsters or ipods. If they wanted to steal music, you had to hitchhike to the record store and shoplift it yourself!

There wasn’t fancy crap like Call Waiting! If they were on the phone and somebody else called they got a busy signal, that’s it! There was no fancy Caller ID Boxes either! When the phone rang, they had no idea who it was! It could be your school, your mom, your boss and you still had to answer.

There was no TV guide on the screen, they had to use a little book called a TV Guide to find out what was on! They had to get off their tushes and walk over to the TV to change the channel and there was no Cartoon Network either! They could only get cartoons on Saturday Morning!

They didn’t have microwaves, if they wanted to heat something up they had to use the stove or go build a fire… Imagine that! If they wanted popcorn, they had to use that stupid Jiffy Pop thing and shake it over the stove forever like an idiot.

Funny yes, but I don’t think this generation would survive a day in the early 80’s!

SoI think that when teenagers have the phones they have, have the laptops they have, have all the nice technology that makes their sweet little lives easier, they need to be GREATFUL EVERYDAY!!!!! seriously …..

anyways … have a good day America and this wonderful world

*Live*Laugh*Love*Learn*SMILE

Quick reminder

Ok so I gotta remind myself of the new years TO-DO’s that I made for myself:

-Learn to take my parents advice [like I should have about 10 years ago]
-Learn how to say no to people [I hate being a pushover - it sucks, believe me]
-Pay more attention to myself and my health and my happyness [time to stop worrying about other people's lives]
-Take a picture a day [there's gotta be something interesting in this boring life to capture right?]
-Create myself [life isn't about finding yourself, it's about creating yourself]
-Push myself out of my comfort zone & gain the confidence that I need [I want to be someone so maybe it's time to grow up and learn life]
-Don’t put myself down and think negative things about myself [not everything is my fault right?]
-Give people the benefit of the doubt


…… now if only I could remind myself of these things daily ….

Fly like an eagle

So this tournament. …. can I sum it up into one word? hmmmm maybe!! yes

Passion!!!

Love!!!

Happy!!!
(ok so really thats three words …. but you get my point.)

I loved it!! It was our eagle tournament. It was amazing. I was calm. Not nervous. At peace. You know … my non-typical behavior? Nice huh? I partnered with one of my fave debate girls (peace and love Tattie) , and we had a ball! It was two days, I missed my last class on Friday so that we could make it to Eagle in time. We debated 5 rounds, we won 1:4. Still good! I also did 3 extemporaneous speaking rounds. I got 4th out of 4 speakers, but I got an 8 score on a scale from 1-10 (10 being exeedingly great) and OMG that was amazingly fun and weird!! Every time I came back from a speech round, or a debate round, it felt wonderful and like it got easier every time. I’m so proud of myself I actually let go . I didn’t worry about winning, but I still cared. I had some awesome sings uploaded on my phone so we jammed. we got t-pain with low, and another song I think its baby bash with cyclone, and party like a rockstar jammin with us down the hallway between events. We was dancin in the elevator. We was dancing in the common room, and we was dancing on the bus. It was a party for the nerds baby! LOL. It was just so great, reminded me why I took debate and fell in love with it in the first place.

Strange, there was a lot that I was going to say now I can’t remember.
Hmmm oh!!! Well mama and I just made vanilla-cinnamon-pumpkin muffins & bread. Mmmm they are going to be so good!

Anyways … I should probably get ready for bed. Maybe … on of my girlfriends called, said she thinks tomorrow is going to be a STUPID snow day. I love school, and quite frankly it’s already thrown classes behind … SNOW!! Grrr I hate it!!! MUST KILL WEATHER man!! Heh … I mean ….
I love [hate] snow ^_^

I has Pix

here’s some updated pictures:

me and Dommy



Me playing with the camera! (wow – i love the outcome of this … i even photoshoped with it)

I call this – unsupervised girl with a camera … LOL